"The giant alien cow thing that Luke milks is one of my favorite additions to this whole series, and if you don't like it, you have boring tastes and I don't want to be friends with you.[1]"

Patrick "Patrick (H) Willems" Willems is a YouTube video essayist. He specialty in policing people's feelings on movies and making sure nobody has anything but positive feelings toward The Last Jedi has made him PAFE's head propagandist. He is very intelligent, as he has a film degree and is therefore better than inferior YouTubers who don't. He's the only member of PAFE who publicly supports MovieBob.[2]

His Attack on Logic[edit | edit source]

"If people acted totally logically all the time, no one would be acting human.[2]"

Since Patrick's is a fervent defender of The Last Jedi and The Last Jedi's greatest enemy is logic, it became imperative for him to discredit the very idea of logic - to look at things logically is to watch movies wrong. He has claimed that logical inconsistencies are "less than inconsequential" because they're not "genuine flaws" - rather than focus on fake problems like plotholes ( “plot hole is point in which story breaks a previously established rule about its universe, basically story contradicts itself.”), we should focus on real problems like plot contrivances. Inconsistent characters aren't good criticism either, because real people aren't logical because that would be less than human, and if they were rational the movie wouldn't happen. If you try to judge a film objectively, that means you're watching movies wrong because if something can be objectively judged, it has no value.[2]

What Plot Holes Are Not by Patrick[edit | edit source]

Something that happens off screen: Patrick thinks this is just montage where characters move from point A to point B, but he doesn’t think that them being physically incapable of moving to point B is plothole, like in Dark knight Rises Bruce Wayne with no money is able to travel back to Gotham from middle of nowhere to him is not a plot hole. He sees people who think this is plothole as “not reasonably intelligent.”

” If movies showed every single second that happened during span of the story, they would be “40 hours long and really f***ing boring.””

When character does something you wouldn’t do: Insanity defense, where people do some stuff with no logic sometimes. Patrick believes that acting logical is opposing acting human. Humans acting logically 100% of the time wouldn’t be human. To him movies with logic would lack conflict, lack drama and be “really fucking boring.”

"Movies are for the most part about human beings, or at least characters that think and act like human beings, and you know what human beings are not? Logical. People are impulsive, they make choices based on emotion not everyone thinks exactly the same, but also people make mistakes”

A Plot Contrivance: ”some of these are actually valid" , this is valid, but not a plot hole to him. Who knows why he wanted to say its valid criticism, since his metric is so skewed.

Something that is explained in the movie: 50% of the plotholes he sees people talking about are just something that is shown/explained in the movie “But if you are too busy life tweeting about plot hole you can miss some stuff”.

Real Critics[edit | edit source]

"With a movie like Black Panther, a review by a twenty-five-year-old white guy on YouTube is probably not going to have much to offer.[1]"

epic spacewizard-brained take

Patrick hates CinemaSins because they serve the evil website Cracked, who invented plot holes in 2008. He will frequently compare people he dislikes to them. The opposite of CinemaSins is real critics, like the ones at Rotten Tomatoes who are educated enough to tell you what to think and are impossible to bribe. Patrick also likes "Traditional Reviewers" who write their reviews down instead of make YouTube videos, but he counts Bob Chipman.[2] among their ranks because Bob makes written reviews first and turns them into YouTube videos later. He also promoted Just Write in exchange for a shout-out on JW's channel.[1]

To offer his take on film critics:

  1. "Critics are not bought or bribed, Disney does not pay of critics to trash DC movies, its not like bad reviews hurt Suicide Squad's Box office, so why would studios waste money on that? I mean sure, they would like a good reviews because it helps with marketing, but no critics are actually being paid off by studios. That’s nonsense."
  2. "Critics are not amorphous entity that all just conspires together with one single opinion. So when someone complains about “The Critics”, they really mean hundreds of individual people with their own unique opinions."
  3. "Critics do not hate everything. They have to watch every movie that comes out, so you genuinely have to love movies if you wanna do that job. Critics are not Lindsay Duncan from Birdman, cruelly determined to take down something that they haven’t even seen."

In conclusion, critics are not evil, or corrupt or single minded beings.

Powers and Abilities[edit | edit source]

"A drunk goblin puts coins in BB-8 and that rules.[1]"

  • What-about-tism - TLJ is good because Star Wars is weird; there was a devil in the cantina in A New Hope[1]
  • Film Degree - his superior intellect disproves logic[2]
  • Episode Eight-faced - his opinions can completely change between videos[2]
  • Soybrain - he draws power from watching the suffering of others[1]

Trivia[edit | edit source]

"I also loved the fish nuns and the hell mouth where the movie goes all David Lynch and those crazy things hanging out on Canto Bight.[1]"

  • His hairline recedes every time he shows up.[2]
  • He drinks skim milk because he's disgusting.[2]
  • He doesn't like Christopher Nolan due to his superior tastes.[1]
  • Patrick swears in front of his parents when talking about TLJ, even though it's just a space movie for children.[1]
  • He actually, literally, truly, legitimately likes everything in TLJ.[1]

Quotes[edit | edit source]

“No one seems to know what an actual plot hole is.”
“Remember that guy in your freshman dorm who tried to guess the endings of movies so he could prove that he was smarter than people who made them, now everyone is turning into that guy.”
“It seems impossible to watch movies wrong, but you are watching movies wrong.”
“Movies are not about logic, they are not about equations they are not about proofs, they are not puzzles.”
“All those plot holes that people care about don’t actually matter” little later, ”Some of these are actually valid”
“You can find plot holes or logic gaps in any movie, and if you want to, go right ahead. Just don’t tell me that those are genuine flaws and problems and reasons why movie is bad. Because they are not. None of these things actually matter”rn o “I'm not telling you to turn off your brain, just care what actually matters”
“For some reason whole lot of people don’t like this movie, a lot of people are really angry about it.”
“I think this movie is god damn incredible, its easily the best Star Wars movie since Empire Strikes Back.”
“If you are a person who think that SJW’s or diversity or feminism ruined this movie, or you’re going to tell me I’m a Disney shill or if you are going to tell me I should have watched 5-hour rant by some angry guy on YouTube or if you think I should kill myself because I liked a movie, everyone should remember “THIS IS A FILM ABOUT SPACE WIZARDS INTENDED FOR CHILDREN””
“I want to bring up something that doesn’t get talked about enough: Star Wars has always been weird. Remember the cantina scene? Remember how there is just fucking devil in there chilling at the bar? The One-eyed tentacle creature in the trash compactor? Since the very beginning Star Wars has been full of weird shit and The Last Jedi lives up to that legacy. The giant alien cow thing that Luke milks is one of my favorite additions to this whole series.”'

“Watching rich people getting their shit destroyed is one of the purest pleasure in cinema and if you can’t appreciate that, I feel sorry for you.”

References[edit | edit source]

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