"The giant alien cow thing that Luke milks is one of my favorite additions to this whole series, and if you don't like it, you have boring tastes and I don't want to be friends with you."
Patrick "Patrick (H) Willems" Willems is a YouTube video essayist. He specialty in policing people's feelings on movies and making sure nobody has anything but positive feelings toward The Last Jedi has made him PAFE's head propagandist. He is very intelligent, as he has a film degree and is therefore better than inferior YouTubers who don't. He's the only member of PAFE who publicly supports MovieBob.
thinks that if the movie is intended for children it shouldn’t be criticized seriously, while singing it high praises himself, essentially devaluing the movie he thinks so highly of by saying its for kids and shouldn’t be taken seriously, and doesn’t consider the murder and death and dismemberment the franchise has
His Attack on Logic[edit | edit source]
"If people acted totally logically all the time, no one would be acting human."
Since Patrick's is a fervent defender of The Last Jedi and The Last Jedi's greatest enemy is logic, it became imperative for him to discredit the very idea of logic - to look at things logically is to watch movies wrong. He has claimed that logical inconsistencies are "less than inconsequential" because they're not "genuine flaws" - rather than focus on fake problems like plotholes ( “plot hole is point in which story breaks a previously established rule about its universe, basically story contradicts itself.”), we should focus on real problems like plot contrivances. Inconsistent characters aren't good criticism either, because real people aren't logical because that would be less than human, and if they were rational the movie wouldn't happen. If you try to judge a film objectively, that means you're watching movies wrong because if something can be objectively judged, it has no value.
What Plot Holes Are Not by Patrick[edit | edit source]
Something that happens off screen: Patrick thinks this is just montage where characters move from point A to point B, but he doesn’t think that them being physically incapable of moving to point B is plothole, like in Dark knight Rises Bruce Wayne with no money is able to travel back to Gotham from middle of nowhere to him is not a plot hole. He sees people who think this is plothole as “not reasonably intelligent.”
” If movies showed every single second that happened during span of the story, they would be “40 hours long and really f***ing boring.””
When character does something you wouldn’t do: Insanity defense, where people do some stuff with no logic sometimes. Patrick believes that acting logical is opposing acting human. Humans acting logically 100% of the time wouldn’t be human. To him movies with logic would lack conflict, lack drama and be “really fucking boring.”
"Movies are for the most part about human beings, or at least characters that think and act like human beings, and you know what human beings are not? Logical. People are impulsive, they make choices based on emotion not everyone thinks exactly the same, but also people make mistakes”
A Plot Contrivance: ”some of these are actually valid" , this is valid, but not a plot hole to him. Who knows why he wanted to say its valid criticism, since his metric is so skewed.
Something that is explained in the movie: 50% of the plotholes he sees people talking about are just something that is shown/explained in the movie “But if you are too busy life tweeting about plot hole you can miss some stuff”.
people are going to be angry, even though his just sharing his opinion on a movie he likes, while also spewing venom and posting videos where he berates people
“plot holes used to be thing that only existed in super nerdy movie conversations”, but now they are pervasive, “spreading” through online conversations (part to movies being worse and internet connectivity
thinks that acid would go on forever and not dissipate. (when accidents happen, scientist need to contact firemen to secure the earth’s core from the acid, one drop could go to the earth’s core, acid response theory)
starts a video by pretending to read
thinks that people see him having sunglasses indoor as plot holes and being inside in one shot and outside in another
Batman versus superman is not bad because of the plotholes, but because characters are static and don’t learn anything
why people in 90s didn’t care about plotholes? internet, where millennials repeat words said by stupid people who concentrate on nitpicks. no ones to blame, but people like cinemasins are to blame
video wouldn’t be possible without zenhouser
he refers to film critics as “people who regularly review movies, not video essayist”, not seeing himself as critic as he only makes criticism and has not done review before.
His shocked that most of his YouTube fanbase sees youtubers as critics and don’t follow “traditional reviews” written on newspapers or blogs, which concerns him
Purpose of film criticism is 1. to guide as about what movies to see, letting us know if they are worth seeing 2. they should also advise people how to think about what they saw in the movie and 2nd is mostly overlooked
critic should have deep knowledge of cinema, its history and how it works. critics should deepen our understanding of the movie, giving us things to think about that we wouldn’t have noticed or considered. this is problem with most of YouTube film critics, they’re prominently straight white males in their 20s or early 30s and I find their reviews to be pretty shallow, they tell you that the acting was great or the jokes didn’t all land or I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, but they hardly ever dig any deeper, but clearly a lot of people are cool with that and I’m not saying that you are wrong to enjoy them, the traditional viewer of film critics is older people like Roger Ebert, who are film experts, like authorities of films.
Now YouTube democratized criticism and people want critics that they can see as friend, some with similar tastes and values, people that say “yeah, it’s awesome ” and “no, it sucks”
true critic needs to have credentials while youtubers it enough they seen the film five times, something he acknowledges he did too
doesn’t count movie bob among YouTube critics as he first writes the traditional review then turns it video
he of course uses determine what movies he sees, has his own list of critics he respects and whose opinions he bases his film views
people don’t want their opinions just validated by the critics
critics should encourage critical thinking, consider the local scene and then beyond the weekend fanboy specials, be weatherman on social trends, bring in larger context, teach, inform, amuse, inspire, be outraged, be heartened
YouTube critics tend to offer viewers own perspective back to them
he wants to read critics that know their shit and whose opinions he agrees with and who have education on films and have real understand how criticism works
movies are visual and aural artforms, not about plot characterization and theme. analytical writing of movies should center around discussing those three things. it should also devote little time to discussing lighting, composition, cutting, decor, rhythm and mod of the piece, otherwise it just book reports about movies, a literally criticism without visual media, only half of the potential, doing nothing to help viewer understand how work evokes feelings as they watch the piece. you don’t have to have made film, but you should know about the making process
you should read perspective different of your own, straight white males peoples should read reviews by women, by people of color, people who know more than you as otherwise they wont learn much from films. also read review of people you disagree with
before seeing the movie he skims critics reactions in twitter (those he trusts), if majority likes them, he goes to see the movie, then goes to rotten tomato’s and looks at people he likes and reads the reviews
Real Critics[edit | edit source]
"With a movie like Black Panther, a review by a twenty-five-year-old white guy on YouTube is probably not going to have much to offer."
Patrick hates CinemaSins because they serve the evil website Cracked, who invented plot holes in 2008. He will frequently compare people he dislikes to them. The opposite of CinemaSins is real critics, like the ones at Rotten Tomatoes who are educated enough to tell you what to think and are impossible to bribe. Patrick also likes "Traditional Reviewers" who write their reviews down instead of make YouTube videos, but he counts Bob Chipman. among their ranks because Bob makes written reviews first and turns them into YouTube videos later. He also promoted Just Write in exchange for a shout-out on JW's channel.
To offer his take on film critics:
- "Critics are not bought or bribed, Disney does not pay of critics to trash DC movies, its not like bad reviews hurt Suicide Squad's Box office, so why would studios waste money on that? I mean sure, they would like a good reviews because it helps with marketing, but no critics are actually being paid off by studios. That’s nonsense."
- "Critics are not amorphous entity that all just conspires together with one single opinion. So when someone complains about “The Critics”, they really mean hundreds of individual people with their own unique opinions."
- "Critics do not hate everything. They have to watch every movie that comes out, so you genuinely have to love movies if you wanna do that job. Critics are not Lindsay Duncan from Birdman, cruelly determined to take down something that they haven’t even seen."
In conclusion, critics are not evil, or corrupt or single minded beings.
not saying that you should take it seriously, but do not get too angry about it, sees those angry people as inferior, tells the negative side to calm down but most like doesn’t say calm down, its kids movie to those that love a movie to extreme
hates how he has to say that the movie is for children before stating his explanation for how great the last jedi is
Force Awakens had to do three thing, “it had to feel like star wars again, it had to introduce new characters that we wanted to follow to future movie and it had to bridge the 30 year gap in the story, it did ridiculously well at the first two and with the 3rd, it did okay “
we don’t need entire movie to explain snoke, we also don’t need to know things like the political structure or what destroying 5 republic planet means, as the film makers wanted to go back to more “familiar dynamic”, where you don’t know anything about the evil overlord ruling that bad faction, like we didn’t know about Palpatine’s backstory in the OT, just that his evil
so last jedi added more stuff to mythos, which means that the movie is good in Patrick’s opinion
has had beef with original trilogy, since Leia doesn’t get closure with her father and doesn’t show much flashy force powers, yoda says there is another, but she doesn’t get to do anything. seeing her Marry Poppins thrilled him, since she was using force and not just “trapped in amber for 30 years”
jedis suck and their rules of not being emotional is elitist and not healthy, something that no one has addressed before
sees what happen to jedi order in prequals and sequels as same thing
thinks that Luke thinks that jedis don’t work and should end
last jedi is about moving on from the past, force awakens treaded the same waters while last jedi wants to move forward, not about killing or burning the past as some people think
thinks that character arcs are immaculately covered in just writes “great video”, as movie beautifully weaves arcs for the main characters
doesn’t talk to people he has no respect for, said on twitter
how does his mother not beat him, asked chat
thinks kylois best new character since yoda and dexter
people miss the theme because they obsess over things like how forcefields should work
fins arc is the best, and him defeating phasma is his favorite moment
read lot of comments of why people don’t like luke being hermit who wants to die, thinks people wanted luke pull star destroyers out of space. “having luke be ultra-powerful paragon of goodness would be pretty boring”
thinks rey is complicated as she doesn’t have any idea of what to do with herself and keeps running to different people, hoping that thye guide her and kylo want her in his side. Patrick thinks its good that rey might accept klos proposal to join the dark side and that’s mark of good story telling
everything in throne room fight rules so hard
calls Christopher Nolan sourpuss and his movies tone “stoic dour” “lighten up”, says patric
watching last jedi he was hit by a though that ” for the first time I could see the story continuing for decades to come”
people will consider the eras by who piloted the millennium falcon
people shaping starwars universe could be anyone or come from anywhere and story can g anywhere
doesn’t care who the broom kid is, only that he has “hope and determination in his eyes”
likes the way dj wears boots around his neck
red in the krate looks like the planets bleeding
Powers and Abilities[edit | edit source]
"A drunk goblin puts coins in BB-8 and that rules."
- What-about-tism - TLJ is good because Star Wars is weird; there was a devil in the cantina in A New Hope
- Film Degree - his superior intellect disproves logic
- Episode Eight-faced - his opinions can completely change between videos
- Soybrain - he draws power from watching the suffering of others
Trivia[edit | edit source]
"I also loved the fish nuns and the hell mouth where the movie goes all David Lynch and those crazy things hanging out on Canto Bight."
- His hairline recedes every time he shows up.
- He drinks skim milk because he's disgusting.
- He doesn't like Christopher Nolan due to his superior tastes.
- Patric williams is paul watson of far left, makes theories without logical proof
- cant be judged by 20 year old white man and has not much to offer
- he doesn’t listen to what hehimself says in his videos as his straight white male
- Likes WickerMan because it has large strawman.while male
- uses “Real” a lot
- does not want to his views repeated back to him and likes to hear different perspectives
- Rex Read, that guy sucks
- at the end he snipes at cinema sins
- he has milk in his bedroom, skim milk
- he should shave his balding head
- stands outside the movie theater and tells people how invested they should be in the movie, counting the investment 1 to 10 scale
- his parent restricted his axes to pornhub so he only has the alien cow to look at
- Fish nuns were angry at luke for burning the temple “I didn’t do it, the ghost puppet did”
- Patrick killed wolf
- he has a five head
- has bizarre liking to porgs “The porgs are great”, not a shill
- has intern and mother might be Irish, makis videos of talking to his parents
- wear shades inside the house
- drinks barriers tea, puts soy milk from his milk cannister to it
- style includes switching filming locations, from studio to street to ally
- evolved as critic.
- uses toy hulk fists to punch people say something he disagrees with. doesn’t know if punching people that say something wrong (in his opinion) is too aggressive.
- he is not saying that you are wrong, except when you are actually wrong about “indisputable facts.”
- film criticism has been around since beginning of cinema, as extension to art criticism, which been around since 1700s
- hair looks like Jewish hat
- Patrick is racist that sees your opinion on films based on your gender, race and sexuality, as black movie
- might think that sex, drugs and gore are required for adult film
- Patrick swears in front of his parents when talking about TLJ, even though it's just a space movie for children.
- He actually, literally, truly, legitimately likes everything in TLJ.
Quotes[edit | edit source]
“No one seems to know what an actual plot hole is.”
“Remember that guy in your freshman dorm who tried to guess the endings of movies so he could prove that he was smarter than people who made them, now everyone is turning into that guy.”
“It seems impossible to watch movies wrong, but you are watching movies wrong.”
“Movies are not about logic, they are not about equations they are not about proofs, they are not puzzles.”
“All those plot holes that people care about don’t actually matter” little later, ”Some of these are actually valid”
“You can find plot holes or logic gaps in any movie, and if you want to, go right ahead. Just don’t tell me that those are genuine flaws and problems and reasons why movie is bad. Because they are not. None of these things actually matter”rn o “I'm not telling you to turn off your brain, just care what actually matters”
“For some reason whole lot of people don’t like this movie, a lot of people are really angry about it.”
“I think this movie is god damn incredible, its easily the best Star Wars movie since Empire Strikes Back.”
“If you are a person who think that SJW’s or diversity or feminism ruined this movie, or you’re going to tell me I’m a Disney shill or if you are going to tell me I should have watched 5-hour rant by some angry guy on YouTube or if you think I should kill myself because I liked a movie, everyone should remember “THIS IS A FILM ABOUT SPACE WIZARDS INTENDED FOR CHILDREN””
“I want to bring up something that doesn’t get talked about enough: Star Wars has always been weird. Remember the cantina scene? Remember how there is just fucking devil in there chilling at the bar? The One-eyed tentacle creature in the trash compactor? Since the very beginning Star Wars has been full of weird shit and The Last Jedi lives up to that legacy. The giant alien cow thing that Luke milks is one of my favorite additions to this whole series.”'
“Watching rich people getting their shit destroyed is one of the purest pleasure in cinema and if you can’t appreciate that, I feel sorry for you.”
“So, one side of the emotion is okay, but the other side isn’t, that doesn’t seem like very consistent, looks like your just policing people about how they should feel.” “Telling humans how much they should care about something, historically doesn’t work very well, like, humans don’t like it.” by Mauler
“we are not talking about gun control here, we are talking about space wizards intended for children”
“a lot of peoples had a lot of demands for this movie, explanations and answers and confirmations of fan theories, and look, I made a whole movie about that. But personally, those weren’t really my top priorities, I just wanted something new, I didn’t want another beat for beat repeat of the original trilogy, I wanted Star Wars to surprise me, to expand the scope of what Star Wars movie could be and also, of course, I wanted a rip-roaring good time. That is exactly what I got.”
“Right from the opening scene I could tell there was something unique about this movie. The Movie begins with a space battle that is seriously one of the best space battles in the entire series, but near the end it does something amazing. In Star Wars we have seen a lot of battles and in those battles, we have seen a lot of random rebel pilots die, but I’ve never really cared about them, no disrespect to Biggs and Porkins but they were never really characters, but the last jedi shines a spot light on Paige Tico and for 2 minutes she becomes the star of the movie. Paiges desperate attempts to drop the bombs is more suspenseful and more emotional than anything in other battle scenes since trench run. This shot, I thought, holy shit, I have bever seen this in a Star Wars movie before. And I’ve noticed that lot of people don’t want that, they don’t want new things in their Star Wars, and I think that kind of a bummer. One of the reasons I love the empire strikes back is that its constantly surprising. characters grow and change, its shows us amazing new planets and creatures. it changes our conception of Star Wars. And the most disappointing thing about the return of the jedi is that it doesn’t really do that. it just gives us lot of things we have seen before. like a death star or tatoiin, its big new additions to the mythos are a forest and the revelation that the stormtrooper helmets can be played as drums. which is kind of cool, but the last jedi isn’t content to recycle Star Wars greatest hits and revisit the old planets and reveal that everyone is related to someone we’ve met before. it has story to tell and mythology to expand. oi love how this movie finally shows us how the one percent lives in this galaxy, it finally has someone use the force to switch on a light saber, it finally gives us an idea what obi wan meant when he said “if you strike me down I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine”. it gives us great new force abilities that feel like natural extensions of what we’ve seen before and speaking of the force, no other movie explains it as well as Luke does here. To quote an email Jonah Hill once wrote describing Jump Street/Men In Black crossover ”Its Clean and Rad and Powerful.””
“if you are too hanged up on the made-up science of this fictional world with space wizards to enjoy that, then I’ll weep for you”
“and porgs are popping up everywhere and phasma has a sweet spear”
“humor is good, why am I even explaining this”
“This is amovie about moving on. moving on from failures and selfishness and self loathing and empty heroics. Moving on from only certain families being special and everything being same as 30 years ago. Moving on from same old story beat s and same old status que”
“this is a weird movie to talk about. this video ended up being longer than it should need to be, because its not enough to say why the movie is good. I also have to preemptively respond to all people who are going to say, “why didn’t you talk about this thing that’s bad”. months ago I said there is no way I would make this video, but the truth is that since December, I haven’t stopped thinking about the last jedi and all the people who hate it. I wish that you could see what I see, because it’s pretty great”
“ oh yeah, Canto bight, you know, that section of the move that people say nothing happens and should just be entirely cut out of the movie, I could spend several minutes here talking about how it’s important that we see oppressed people in the galaxy and the hope that the resistance symbol inspires, I could talk about how the failure here is caused by Poe and Fin are essential teaching moments in both of their arcs.”
“peoples definitions varies”
“Movies are not math.”