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"So uh, here's the thing..."

Quinton Kyle Hoover, also known as Quinton Reviews or simply Quinton, is a YouTuber BreadTuber YouTuber who makes movie reviews. He is a recurring villain of EFAP and the twist main villain of EFAP Season 1. He is the chief strawmanner of the council of PAFE. According to him, people who disagree with his politics shouldn't be "humanized" and only nerds would care about consistency in media.

Appearence[]

"It's amusing to me that Quinton Reviews choose to be this meek dude who tries to get attention from girls through pity. He's like 6'7" with a jaw like an anvil. Guy could lift weights for a year or two and turn into a Gigachad who reviews bee movie and had way more success."

- BeigeFrequency on Twitter

Quinton is very tall, has brown hair and tends to sport a beard, though his facial hair (and sometimes lack thereof) and hair length seem to change frequently as part of a sort of recurring joke for his channel. His vague resemblance to Sargon of Akkad had a profound impact on his worldview, driving him to become the anti-Sargon. He wears glasses and often wears Garfield merch. His yellow shirt in his profile picture on Twitter once helped to identify him as the (alleged) mystery man behind the (alleged) DMs.

History[]

PreFAP[]

Quinton Reviews makes movie reviews, but became popular due to his Fallen Titans series, where he chronicles the fall from grace of internet personalities previously held in high regard. He used to be somewhat chummy with the more "anti-SJW" YouTubers, but he later went on to say that he knew ever since he met them that they weren't right for him, despite having made positive videos about meeting them two years in a row after the alleged realization.

He once made a video "debunking" the joke campaign PewDiePie had to stay more subscribed than T-series, thinking that PewDiePie was being serious and calling him pathetic for being so competitive. He ended up taking the video down when he got a lot of flack for it.

Foreshadowing[]

Quinton made a parody critique of Citizen Kane as a way to prove how easy it would to make a review like one of MauLer's. Unfortunately he made it so poorly that nobody knew if he was joking or not, even bringing in people that genuinely thought that he was serious.

The Final Boss of Season 1[]

After Rags made a response to I Hate Everything's The Last Jedi review, The Right Opinion made a response to Rags' response. Since Rags included clips from MauLer's The Last Jedi review in his video, TRO saw it fair to include a guest of his own - Quinton Reviews, who was more familiar with the Star Wars films and was a friend of TRO's. Quinton had previously taken several jabs at MauLer, but had refused to actually engage with him, and seemed to be using TRO's video as an excuse to sneak in a hitpiece on MauLer without having to make a video of his own. MauLer, Rags, and Wolf found multiple issues littered throughout the video, but by far the most egregious were on Quinton's part - while TRO's section seemed to stem from honest misunderstandings, Quinton's seemed to be more malicious in nature.

Rather than just provide the information needed to counter any of Rags' points about Star Wars, Quinton turned his segment into an attempt to debunk MauLer's entire process as a reviewer.

if you say to IHE that you disagree with him and didn’t like the last jedi, he will “at least be sensible” and say “that’s your opinion, it’s only natural”. while mauler and rags will say “the vast majority of my points are about perspective, we are talking about facts”, “I’m seriously doubting your capacity to understand quality” and ”if you like the last jedi is good luck calling other films bad ” this thesis statement is “inherently toxic”. “there is no logic to how this is constructed, there is no consistency to when opinion is or isn’t measurable and overall is just a measly podium constructed by these two to insist to their audience that their opinion is universally better than everyone elses” “this might seem blunt or crude but ultimate issue to me is that mauler and rags is believe that they are part of a battlefield fighting their holy and protected beliefs, socially they use their “flood thesis” to justify the fact that the believe themselves to be warriors, you two are not warriors, none of us are warriors, we are geeks online that talk about films, stop acting like you are warriors” - trying to make them seem like pair of asshole cultist that think they are bigger than they actually are

“Not that there is any factual basis to fact that his 100% wrong and not because he is a bad person for having opinions that I disagree with, but because I’m basically having to prove that his opinions are not universally measurable, are not ultimately 100% provable and are certainly not anything resembling objective”

ranted about Mauler and rags against a wall, sent the footage to editors to just slap into the video

Quinton found MauLer's The Last Jedi critique “heavily disagreeable” and not something he found any relation to whatsoever, though he concedes that he doesn’t think that inherently a bad thing as “a review is nothing more than a description of an experience,” and people's experiences are going to be different.

He thought Rags' "thesis statement" was that other people are not allowed to disagree with his opinion as his opinion is “on a higher playing field than everyone else’s,” or to put it like he wants to, his opinions are objective, others are subjective - thinks Rags and Mauler think subjective values are factually worse

maulers and rags' “opinions” come down to “thoughts about the lore and nitpicks about the dialogue” and are “objective facts that can never be disputed by anyone”

its his “job to disagree” with rags, since TRO knows less about Star Wars, the lore, the universe, etc., than him.

Quinton criticized Rags for frequently pausing the video he was responding to, claiming that that robs the individual statements of their overall context, while himself plucking out statements from MauLer's and Rags' videos out of context, even playing Rags' criticism of one lightsaber battle over footage of another to make it look like the criticism was being made of a completely different scene, allowing Quinton to counter a criticism Rags never made.

thinks think they are “interpreted as sequels”, the trilogy is “heavily stand alone”

its debatable if lore is important to whenever or not the movie is good enough, so contradicting previous stories is okay - you shouldn’t account to previous films since most or at least half of the audience won’t know what you are talking about - tries to use tv show as way to prove movie lore, and claims to be using same critical metric on last jedi and original trilogy

criticism of Yodas presence mauler and Rags have is countered with “speculation, as we don’t know”, or conjecture

thinks IHE being emotionally attached to the franchise is same as being a regular fan, like rags and how he hates the movie. calls this “mean spirited and hypocritical”, something he himself is

comments that he is “arguing as a fan instead of critic”

Quinton claimed that Rags thinks that if a Force power was never shown in a previous movie then it can't ever happen in a new one, when Rags' point was that adding in a power that would have been useful in previous movies raises the question of why it was never used before. He justified Yoda being able to summon lightning from the afterlife since Alec Guinness accidentally brushed against some grass in Return of the Jedi, ignoring that the issue is that if a ghost can summon lightning then they should be able to kill any enemy without effort.

snaps his fingers to show clip that’s supposed to prove rags critique wrong, only to not mean anything

thinks leia having force and potential to use it as luke does means that she can survive freezing in space then fly back into the ship.

claims that rags thinks mark Hamill is lying about the last jedi - mauler and rags only show clips of mark Hamill when they agree with their narrative, trying to point out when his lying that he likes the movie. cutting parts that support them and showing it in video. when he likes it, his lying and trying to keep the peace and that part won’t be shown - thinks rags and mauler claim to read Hamills mind and know what’s in marks head better than anyone else. similarly, he himself and TRO seem to think they themselves know whats in their mind

Quinton dismissively asked "Who cared about Snoke?" in response to two people who cared about Snoke.

nobody cared about emperor before the prequals he was there just to be killed. the most interesting thing that could have been done with snoke was he was killed and replaced by kylo. its good that it was unexpected and never seen in star wars. and anyway, there wouldn’t have been any interesting reveal with snoke. if he was someone like darth plagues, he would have founded it funny, as he could look around in the theater and see people confused to who plagues is. and Rey doesn’t know anything about Palpatine or empire, so why bother letting her know?

thinks we should attack movie characters for doing stupid things like going to canto bight, instead of blaming the wrtier who literally made it so - it’s not holdo's fault for not telling anything, its Poe’s and fins fault for going behind her back - argued that Holdo thought that Poe was spy, something that was not actually in the movie. - thinks the ramming into ships is clever and nobody had thought of it before

thinks that the Star Wars had made everything the series can, now they have to reinvent and rip things off

According to him, Rags thinks that movie is without value if it sold toys.

thinks rags is on a high horse and rags sees himself who can decide who is a fan of star wars, as his objective

Quinton ended up leaving a comment on the stream saying he didn't even bother watching it because they paused too much. In EFAP 10, the final episode of Season 1, The Right Opinion came on, and had a productive conversation with MauLer and Rags, and he had some difficulty defending Quinton's argumentation. TRO later unlisted his video on Rags, feeling it was poorly done.

The Fuckin' Hatening of Trump[]

Quinton is well-known for his declaration of hatred of then-President Donald Trump in his review of Logan Paul's The Thinning 2. To Quinton's credit, this was not a complete non-sequitor like many claim, as the film itself was seemingly trying to parody Trump with one of its characters, and Quinton's intent was to say that despite disliking Trump himself, he thought the Trump character was poorly executed. However, Quinton continued to describe his hatred of Trump in detail for a minute longer than he needed to, making it excessive to the point of being ridiculous.

Later, Quinton would go on to defend this on Twitter by saying that the people in his audience who were turned off by him simply stating his disapproval of Trump were acting like babies for being bothered by something so innocuous, despite the fact that Quinton's original statement was itself prompted by him being annoyed at The Thinning 2 for itself including an out of place criticism of Trump.

On The Last Jedi[]

MauLer, Rags, Jay, and Aydin witnessed their first true Quinton Review on EFAP 54, where they took a look at his video asking if The Last Jedi was really that bad. Quinton initially didn't want to give his take on the movie, as he didn't know what the general consensus would be on it. He came to believe that the only reason that the "dark side of the commentary" hates the movie is because it became a meme to hate the movie (based on the fact that there is a KnowYourMeme page on the event), comparing it to people who ate Tide Pods. He said that he could write several pages of constructive criticism as he knows the movie has flaws, but he still thinks its a good movie.

He found the space battles boring as they were limited by trying to mimic World War I and II battles.

Things that annoy him don't matter, as they don't ruin his fun, so he ignore the inconsistencies

thinks that the movie set up the character's arcs, and concentrated on the new characters growth instead of how their arcs connect to the story, like how Fin and Rose just leave to casino as its just them having something to do

thinks like "tracking through light speed" is something writers think people care about but is just boring and stupid, like Midichlorians and light-saber power crystals.

he found Rose "interesting enough" that was fun enough and its too harsh that they call her Jar Jar.

While he acknowledged that pointing out that one of the main actors was Asian defeats the point of not treating non-white actors as something out of the ordinary, he pointed out that one of the main actors was Asian anyway and congratulated the movie for it.

He finds people that see movies hiring non-whites as "SJW" and their " disgusting and thinks them as racists, even if its just people that don't like the character for who they are and not what they are. people that see nonwhite and think they "could have been white" can just "fuck off" in his opinion

Poe's "cowboy heroism" (destroying the fleet-killer ship that was going to kill their fleet) almost got everyone killed.

people say that holdo not telling the plan is seen as "feminist propaganda" and doesn't understand it, but does agrees that she looks like a tumbler character

if holdo was a guy people would be okay with the character and so the backlash she got doesn't matter

it should be fine that Finn immediately hates the city after finding out that they have slaves, but its too much like the scene of Sharknado where character hates shark because he hears that shark killed womans friend.

canto bight is just set up for thing happening in the later part of the movie, so its fine

loves the movies take on luke, "its an epic tale of passion and redemption" and perfect bookend to his story

Quinton countered the criticism that Luke wouldn't try to murder his nephew in his sleep for having a bad dream by reminding people that he would indeed draw a lightsaber on a family member, because he attacked Vader after he threatened to turn his sister evil.

thinks lukes seclusion makes sense since kylo was his fault and luke thinks himself as responsible for the deaths of millions

kylo is morally ambiguous

Rey yearns for the past and Kylo yearns for the future

thinks the lightsaber struggle between Kylo and rey is how one associates it with Luke and another with Anakin. its splits apart because kylo went too far

in the crait the stories interject, where fin tries to sacrifice himself, Poe tries to be intelligent instead of steadfast attitude and Luke tries to rectify his mistake

scenes of Luke training rey blew him away, as they explained the jedi order without being too pandersome

lightsaber battles are best in sequels, as they feel like George Lucas' vision of sabers being heavier. they also feel more deadly in sequels (where lightsabers rarely kill any main character who isn't sitting still)

says the last Jedi makes all the episodes feel connected, but doesn't explain why.

the movie was brilliantly executed and showed that the franchise can be go in interesting direction, he has not been so excited to see where the story goes for a while

its good that the movie is unpredictable and the next movie is unpredictable - he has always been able to guess the plot before he went to see the last jedi and he loves it for its unpredictability

He called Admiral Ackbar "boring and lifeless" and "2000's meme," which is why he believes Ackbar getting unceremoniously killed a good thing. Doesn't matter either way, as Ackbar is just Holdo with orange skin.

Character inconsistencies, plot inconsistencies and the world inconsistencies is just “fan stuff”.

On The Rise of Skywalker, Ewoks of Color, & Fascist Midichlorians[]

"Does he have a sticker of six different colored frogs fucking?"

- Rags

Fresh off of experiencing the disaster that was The Rise of Skywalker, MauLer and Rags decided to revisit Quinton with JLongbone, Weekend, Chase, and E;R on EFAP 67. He seemed noticeably dispassionate about even bringing himself to make a video, with MauLer commenting that in a previous video Quinton had stated he was permanently downgrading the quality of his videos because he couldn't be fucked to do better. Quinton apologized for the bad audio quality on account of him being in the middle of moving and having not put up his "accoustic" tiles, but his audio was no better in previous videos.

He didn’t like The Rise of Skywalker because it was everything he didn’t want from it and it failed in everything it was trying to be - sounds like it subverted his expectations

Quinton described how the moment he saw Palpatine in the movie he stopped caring, and had to leave the theater so he could burst into laughter without being stared at by people, but he didn't know what he was laughing at, until he realized that he may have been laughing to cope with the fact that secretly he still cared.

still put it above the prequels, which were unwatchable

George made Star Wars to say war is an tool of imperialism (except those three movies where a war was fought against an empire) - Disney made the movies for money and nostalgia and made them for people to feel good and to say “consume”

Used Rey on Tatooine as an example of nostalgia for nostalgia's sake, when she was on Tatooine specifically for something to do with Luke

Quinton shitted and farted and pissed his pants at a movie about space wizards for children, and EFAP denounced his sexism for getting mad about a movie with a female lead.

says that Rey taking Skywalker name is sequels saying that the OT was good and since they have same name they are good by proxy - said this to upset the alt right

talks lot of fan stuff and interpreting movies as sequels - sequels have ruined lot of lore, which is just fan stuff, but he hates that its been ruined

Quinton argued that Vader's redemption only worked when the audience was not aware of his crimes, and that the prequels ruined that by making us aware that he committed a genocide, even citing the destruction of Alderaan, seemingly forgetting that Vader blew up Alderaan in the first movie he appeared in. - thinks there is some entity and heaven in Star Wars and that there is space Jesus - previously said a sequel is only a sequel if you interpret it as such, and consistency is fan stuff

He described Luke as being an audience surrogate who the audience could live through and imagine themselves being able to use the Force, but Anakin didn't serve this function because the introduction of midichlorians meant he got his Force abilities from his blood and therefore from his family, despite his mother having no Force powers and Luke being the one who inherited powers from his parent. Quinton had the usual critique that midichlorians took away the mysticism of the Force, but went on to conclude that midichlorians on an intellectual level are a “little overtly fascist.” - Jedi didn’t free slaves, only ones that had strong force, so superior genes

Rian threw the mystery box away because there was no satisfying answers, as they answers like who are Rey's parents have no effect on the characters or the plot, but it should answer what was the point of the sequels

thinks that TLJ brought back the mysticism by saying that everyone can use the force

thinks at the end of tlj Kylo goes from redeemable Anakin to power hungry Palpatine in type wice, and that trying to redeem him is stupid and impossible - and it gave better main villain in Kylo, and set up 9th movie that would be something else except 6th movie copy, 9 would be something better, but it ended up being just 6 but bigger

likes TLJ as it's different - breaking the mask is kylo separating himself from from Vader and becoming an individual - broom boy using force is beautiful moment

most spineless thing about rise of Skywalker is that Porgs are not nested in Falcon

Quinton claimed that the lack of screentime for Rose Tico was intended to appease anti-Asian racists, and that every scene with Zorii Bliss was a scene that should have been with Rose instead. He made the same claim with the character of Jannah, saying that her role in the movie should have instead been filled by Ewoks, and EFAP quickly disavowed his racism for believing that black people and Ewoks are interchangeable.

none of the relationships are acknowledged. needs sexuality to be important, especially gay representation and queer, so that they cant be edited out for other countries

thinks that TLJ haters are satisfied with answers rise of skywalkers answers to mystery box, but he has no point or gain

sees TROS as just harry potter

finds Leia scenes creepy as actress is dead

thinks he knows how Palpatine should be written

thinks that his rise of Skywalker is his first video in 2 years that people are mad at him

he's not going to do anything related to Rise of Skywalker, like sniping people, making hit pieces and such. he has more important things, like his sex doll

(Alleged) DMs to Lindsay Ellis & Sarah Z[]

Sarah Z, of fly-swatting fame, posted a screenshot of (alleged) Twitter DMs she received from someone passive-aggressively accusing her of disliking them and saying that they're going to unfollow. Lindsay Ellis responded to this with screenshots of similar DMs she (allegedly) received, believing that the same (alleged) person was responsible, and Sarah Z replied in confirmation. Ellis censored the profile picture of the (alleged) perpetrator with black circles, but they didn't line up perfectly, and people noticed that the sliver of (alleged) profile picture left unobscured matched that of none other than Quinton Reviews. Sarah Z's description of the (alleged) perpetrator as another creator who has an (alleged) history of mentioning in videos when she doesn't respond to them further narrows down the options and supports the (alleged) idea that the person is Quinton, allegedly. Quinton also (allegedly) posted two now-deleted Tweets (allegedly) saying that he felt awful to the point of having a mild panic attack and asking for nice messages, and Sarah Z's description of the (alleged) perpetrator being the type of person who "behaves inappropriately, gets told they're behaving inappropriately, and then deliberately solicits pity from people who don't have context," matches up with Quinton's (alleged) Tweet. This (alleged) behavior by Quinton matches with a similar (confirmed) incident involving MovieBob, further supporting the theory that Bob is Quinton's father.

He confirmed it was him on Discord.

Psychoanalysis[]

Aydin's science powers theorize that the questionable quality of Quinton's critique is due to his need to fit in with a group that he can agree with on everything. He conceals several racetisms under his progressive veneer, since he thinks that the poor Asians need Rian Johnson to help them and that black people are comparable to Ewoks.

VidCon 2020 video[]

In the Summer of 2020, when VidCon would have happened if not for the COVID-19 pandemic, Quinton set out to make a virtual "Vidcon" in place of the actual one, comprised of cameos from other YouTubers. It begins with Quinton waking up in Transformers pajamas to go to "VidCon." Quinton provides constant commentary across the entire video, also bringing up a Jar video that nobody watched, and simping for Contrapoints. He also speaks to some mailman doll thing, who goes on a 2005-era SNL-style rant about emails. He makes ScottTheWoz physically cringe, giving the impression that Quinton is a nuisance to everyone else, a choice Quinton himself must have made intentionally since the other YouTubers in this video must be on good enough terms with him in actuality to cameo in his video. He practically calls a bunch of PNGs the N-word when he is at a party. At night, he receives a message from Linkara, to tell him that he will die at age forty from consuming too much junk food. The next day, he continues to pester other YouTubers, who were once again put off by him despite cameoing in his video. He then goes onto a Garfield panel, a subtle nod to the fact that Quinton likes Garfield. He continues to irritate those around him, and the story time illustrator Emirichu calls him a jackass, further deprecating him. Before he leaves VidCon, some guy in glasses (not Doug Walker) roasts him extensively. Quinton is then kidnapped by the "Leftist Mob," or something. He takes this time to provide commentary about annoying people on Twitter. Then the point is made that the Sonic movie is actually Nazi propaganda, a strange thing to conclude about a movie about speed hedgehogs made for children. The leftists then sodomize and kill him. He appears in some sort of void and a bunch of PNGs start singing. Quinton gives an impassioned speech where he waxes philosophical about something or another. Various other YouTubers then talk about how miserable they all are. The theme is that the Youtubers, who have the ability to work from home unlike others, have it so hard because of the pandemic, a true subversion of audience expectations. With that, Quinton concludes his magnum opus, truly Quinton Reviews' Doug Walker's Nostalgia Critic's Pink Floyd's The Wall. Garfield.

Quotes[]


“A review is nothing more than a description of an experience, this dates back to when reviews spoke of plays and concerts instead of DVD's and Blu-rays”

“Art is not a science. There is no universally or factually proved worth, and that is why arguably art has any value in the first place.”

Rag: "This fucks up the lore", Quinton “Does it tho?”"

“You are an idiot, Quinton” - Ragbo Raggins

"Poe is just an idiot".

"You can pretend that from certain skewed point of view maybe Poe was secretly the hero of the movie."

“So the question becomes, to Mauler and Rags, what are 'Objective Values' and more importantly, what are 'Subjective Values' and why are they 'factually' worse?”

"The Rebellion has been in power for 30 years"

"Just because it annoys me, it doesn't ruin the fun"

“Having female lead define her importance exclusively through a male lead is a bad writing”

“The point of this scene is that you can't kill Hitler or you will become Hitler”

Trivia[]

  • Unlike other Massives, who argue against Strawmen, Quinton fights Jellymen.
    • Even then he doesn't defeat them. he first tries but then they just topple on him and suffocate him in the jelly.
  • Quinton sees MauLer and Rags as “Cultist warriors fighting for The Last Jedi to be considered bad”.
  • likes to snipe from distance
  • likes to throw stones
  • hates mankey
  • Quinton would plays catch with his kids and then go to rant about trump
  • Quinton shaves middle of his unibrow
  • he can vote twice
  • has sex doll, its hugging mickey mouse and wears same shirt as quinton. doll looks like onision
  • Quinton takes pride in the accomplishment of pissing off white supremacists, despite also believing that pissing off white supremacists is one of the easiest things imaginable.
    • Rags, on the other hand, takes the opposite approach, encouraging white supremacists to support him because receiving money from white supremacists combines his two favorite things - him having more money, and white supremacists having less money.
  • Quinton sees trough people's lies and recognizes the racists, ie people who didn't like the character of Rose Tico
  • had not been in a hundred mile of a woman without getting restraining order
  • has two right hands, causing him to spell Rags' name wrong
  • made a video talking about youtubers copying one another, and says that every angry gamer isn't copying cinemassacre and not every racist gamer is copying jontron
  • Logan Paul is good person since he filmed a dead man and didn’t do it again so he deserves to keep his content, but Pewdipie gets more controversy, so he deserves to loose his content.
  • In his past he was a Nazi (or at least a “closet Nazi”), as he doesn’t like orange people, and has many skeletons in his closet, Adolf Quinton
  • He watched the Endgame before Captain Marvel: “I don’t want to be mean and I don’t want people to get a wrong idea, but in Captain Marvels stand alone movie, is she like interesting or funny or cool or fun to be around? Cause she ain’t any of that in this movie.”